


Of Pawns and Queens

by A_Pseudonym



Series: Supergirl One-Shots [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, I am Supercorp Trash, It's a lot of feelings okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:42:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22917907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Pseudonym/pseuds/A_Pseudonym
Summary: After Kara leaves her with an ultimatum, Lena is left alone to think. But can she reach the conclusion Kara so desperately hopes for?OrAn extension of the 100th episode, because my heart can't take the heartbreak and yearning anymore.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Supergirl One-Shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1488965
Comments: 11
Kudos: 312





	Of Pawns and Queens

**Author's Note:**

> Shhhhh, I'm still working on my thesis, but I had a lot of feelings about the way the 100th episode ended, and this is the result. I know it's short, but I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to serendipitouspeach for the brainstorming help along the way!

Kara flew off into the night, leaving Lena to stare after her, that word ringing in her ears. 

_ Villain. Villain. Villain.  _

It left a bad taste in her mouth, acrid and angry and fearful. Lena turned on her heel away from the balcony and returned to the tea she had been making; it had probably been steeping too long by now. She clutched the steaming mug with both her hands, letting the heat seep into her skin until it was almost painful. When it was finally too hot to hold, she lifted the mug by its handle and took a sip, sighing as the liquid left an unsatisfying trail of warmth down her throat. 

Lena set the mug back down on the counter and eyed the decanter over on the side table. It was tempting, but her heart wasn’t in it tonight. It seemed she had finally found a problem whiskey couldn’t solve. For a moment, a small smile flickered across Lena’s face as she thought of how Alex would probably disagree with her before she remembered she wasn’t supposed to care about her friends anymore. She picked up her tea again and folded herself into the corner of her couch, thinking. 

Kara had seemed different tonight. Less tearful, more confident. Less guilt-stricken, more...liberated. Part of Lena still burned with the sting of Kara’s betrayal and lies, but she couldn’t ignore the truth behind Kara’s words that gnawed at the wall of anger and pride she had put up around herself. She hated working with Lex. He was the embodiment of everything she didn’t want to become, and she didn’t trust him any more in this world than she had in the old one, but she had told herself countless times that it was the only way to bring Non Nocere to fruition. 

Non Nocere. It had consumed her life since she had learned the truth about Kara. It was supposed to be her gift to humanity, to end pain and suffering. But, deep down, Lena knew it wouldn’t heal the wounds that had inspired it in the first place: her own. She knew it was a project born from her own selfish fury rather than a genuine desire to do good, but it was too late to turn back now. Wasn’t it? She was a Luthor, and Luthors didn’t back down from their convictions. She couldn’t just give up and give Kara the satisfaction of being right, not after she had so flippantly thrown that word around. 

_ Villain _ . 

“I am not a villain,” Lena murmured to the empty apartment, lifting the mug to her lips. She grimaced; the tea had grown cold in her distractedness. She rose to empty it into the sink and make a fresh cup. 

Determination, stubbornness, tenacity, an outwardly unfailing sense of self-confidence. That was what had gotten Lena to this point in her life. She hadn’t always asked for the roles life had handed her, but she had damn well earned her right to keep them. She was no pawn in someone else’s game. She was in control of her fate, her empire. 

And yet. The small, unacknowledged voice in her head whispered again that Non Nocere was a weak foundation upon which to construct her fortress. Lena looked across the apartment towards the empty balcony, noticing how dark the sky had become. It was well past midnight by now. The irony of the aching loneliness she had felt after the events that transpired between Kara and herself at the Fortress of Solitude was not lost on her. 

Lena leaned against the kitchen counter, placing her weary head in her hands. With Kara’s pitiful pleading out of the way, she should feel emboldened. It would be easier to face Supergirl as an adversary than to stand under her tearful gaze as she repeatedly reminded Lena that she loved her, begged her to stop what she was doing. 

And yet. With Kara free of her own guilt, Lena felt even more alone than ever before. She hadn’t thought it was possible, hadn’t thought that she would care. But she did. She didn’t want Kara to give up on her. 

Lena lifted her head and reached for a drawer under the counter. 

Supergirl arrived on the balcony in a flash, her blonde hair wild from the wind. Or, Kara did. She landed barefoot and wearing pajamas, frantically scanning the room until she noticed Lena standing in the darkness of her kitchen with the watch in her hand. 

“Lena?” she asked hesitantly as she stepped into the apartment, “Are you okay? It’s late. Has something happened?”

Lena cocked her head to the side, hating how much the concern in Kara’s voice still meant to her. 

“I can’t hurt you anymore, can I?” she asked bluntly. 

Kara stopped in her tracks and looked at her for a hard moment before the realization of what Lena meant dawned across her face. 

“Of course you can, Lena. Every day you spend working with Lex hurts me. Every day you look at me like I’m the last person you want to see - the way you’re looking at me now - hurts me.” 

Lena kept her expression aloof and stony. 

“Every game night you miss, every new brunch place we don’t visit, every text you don’t send hurts me. I just...” Kara continued, pausing to take a steadying breath. Her hands, Lena noticed, didn’t fidget the way they usually did when Kara was anxious. “I can’t undo what I did. I can’t apologize any more than I have. But I can’t keep blaming myself for the choices you make either.” 

“Then you do think I’m a villain,” Lena responded icily. She wished Kara would say yes, if only so she could justify building her walls higher. 

“No! I don’t think you’re a villain. I  _ never _ thought you were. I think this path you’re on...you’re making choices reflective of a villain. But,” Kara suddenly rushed closer, only just stopping herself from reaching out to take Lena’s hand, “that doesn’t mean they’re reflective of you. Not my Lena.” 

Lena was silent. Her eyes were dark with tears she refused to let fall. Every mantra she had repeated to herself over the last few months suddenly rang hollow, and the realization that she may have been wrong made her angry. No. She wasn’t angry; she was terrified. 

Kara waited for a response, her eyes soft and warm but her jaw set in determination. 

Finally, looking down at the ground, Lena whispered in a shaky voice, “I don’t know how to get that Lena back. I don’t know if she exists anymore.” 

Kara’s breath hitched slightly, and she gently reached out to lift Lena’s chin. When their gazes met, her heart broke for the woman she loved so fiercely. There was so much pain behind those green eyes, but she could feel that her best friend was still there somewhere. 

“I  _ know _ she exists, Lena,” she said. Her bravado, but not her conviction, from earlier in the night faded as she blinked back her own tears. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to help you find her.” 

Something ugly instinctively flared in Lena’s chest as she recoiled at the thought of opening herself up again. She had been manipulated far too many times before by people she trusted telling her they could help her find herself and unlock her true potential. She took a step backward, and Kara’s hand fell away from her face. 

To Lena’s surprise, Kara remained silent and still. She just stood there in the dim light of Lena’s kitchen, her broad shoulders and regal stance contrasting with the soft frumpiness of her wrinkled T-shirt and loose sweatpants. 

Lena’s heart jumped into her throat when it finally occurred to her that Kara was waiting for her to make the next move. It was  _ her _ choice. 

She took a step forward, placing herself back within Kara’s reach. “Okay.” 

Kara’s face stretched into a brilliant grin and she choked back what sounded like both a sob and laughter. She pulled Lena to her and wrapped both arms tightly around her waist. 

Lena wound her arms around Kara’s shoulders and let herself collapse into the embrace, overwhelmed and exhausted. The tears she had been trying to keep at bay fell unrelentingly now, her chest heaving and shuddering against Kara’s. 

“It’s all right,” Kara murmured soothingly in her ear, never loosening her hold. “You’re going to get through this. We’re going to get through this. Together.” 

Lena nodded against Kara’s cheek. “Together.”


End file.
